Burned Out on a Reading Retreat
With 15 strangers, might I add.
If you’d told me this time last year that I’d be headed to the Catskills to spend a 3-day weekend with complete strangers, I wouldn’t have believed you. Not a lot of people know that I have an immense amount of social anxiety, so the idea of heading to a hotel to spend time with people I don’t know sounds like my own personal hell.
But, when The North Face reached out and offered to host me for a reading retreat, I couldn’t say no. I was in desperate need of outdoor time after overextending myself once again with freelance work and creative endeavors. I quite literally needed to touch grass or I knew I’d slip back into a downward spiral.
At the behest of my husband, who always knows when I’m on the verge of burnout, I packed my Xanax, put on my Big Girl pants (Cozy Earth sweats, IYKYK), and set off into the unknown.
Hosted by Page Break, I knew only three things before we arrived at The Henson for our weekend retreat. 1) We would be reading an entire novel aloud together. 2) There would be book-themed dinners cooked by award-winning chefs. 3) The North Face would be outfitting us for the hiking portion of the trip.
Needless to say, each of these things sounded daunting for a different reason. 1) I have a fear of reading aloud. 2) I have IBS, so eating potentially triggering foods around strangers makes me nervous. 3) Hiking. Outdoors. With bugs. And no bathrooms. (No, I will not be pulling my shorts to the side to pee in the forest, what if I pee on myself instead!?)
Can you see why I packed my Xanax?
Even with these fears at the forefront of my mind, I knew this retreat was necessary for me to keep my sanity—and I was surprised to find that it wasn’t as terrifying as I thought it would be. Our host, Mikey Friedman, was incredibly lovely and made everyone feel welcomed right away.
There was also an unexpected intimacy among a group of likeminded strangers. We were all there to read a good book and find new connections. During the retreat, I had deeper conversations with the people I’d just met than I have with friends I’ve known for decades. It was exhilarating, eye-opening, and quite honestly something I never expected to actually enjoy.
Beyond me wishing I had a different personality, this weekend helped me discover a void in meaningful connections in my life. While I usually tend to stay surface level with people due to some deep-seated childhood trauma and inability to be vulnerable around others, I realized throughout my time in the Catskills that I was craving deep introspection. I wanted to connect to others through our stories—differences or otherwise.
While I used to be an INTJ personality, this retreat made me wonder if my years of therapy and life experience have altered my state of being. I was shocked when I took a personality type and found that I was now an INFJ. Feelings? FEELINGS? It was the one thing I’ve avoided more of my life and now it’s something that I’m actively searching to expand.
Despite our packed schedule, I felt more rested at the end of the trip than when I first arrived. It’s the idea of structured, planned rest that you hear about but can’t quite imagine actually works. How can rest feel restful if you’re always busy?
It turns out, the idea of productive rest (which I recently learned does not mean being super productive during your time off), means enriching your life. Doing things outside of your normal in order to improve your overall wellbeing. There’s a reason you feel so fulfilled after watching a new movie or attending a concert. These are things that are out of the ordinary that add value to your life beyond work.
With this in mind, I’m dedicating this summer to finding new ways to embrace productive rest. I’m planning weekend hiking trips and museum visits. I’m vowing to work on my scrapbook and cook more. I’m promising to see my friends and visit them even if they live in Far Rockaway.
And I challenge you to do the same. What’s one way you can bring productive rest into your life? What’s one thing you want to do that’s easy and accessible that won’t make you feel like you’re burning out on your off days? It could be as simple as taking a walk while listening to an audiobook or trying a new yoga studio. Comment and let me know what you plan to do, and maybe I’ll try it to!